"…took a deep breath" (S92)
…took a deep breath. The speaker in the video talked about Jesus, a Black man who lived on the outskirts of Galilee and how ordinary this man was. Jesse, who had grown up Christian, had never looked at it from this perspective. Like everyone else in colonized Latin America, he knew Jesus as a white, blonde man with blue eyes. That's how Portugal had colonized his country.
In the video, the man talked about this Jesus who worked as a carpenter, making tables and chairs. Jesus was the adopted son of Joseph and lived on the outskirts of Nazareth with his mother, who, after becoming a widow, was a single mother. They were poor. The man in the video, a Black guy like Jesse, spoke with such intensity. For some reason he didn't understand, Jesse kept watching, growing more curious. The phrase "He was like you, you know?" made him reflective. He knew Jesus, but he had spent months without delving into the spiritual practices he had learned. Exhausted by anxiety and work, he didn't know how to return to his spiritual exercises, which had helped him when he was younger and engaged in a faith community. He had learned to develop spiritual routines on his own because, when you're born poor in the periphery of Brazil, you have two choices: crime or the Church. If the Church was good enough and your mother present enough, you'd go to the Church and not to crime. That's what his mother did from an early age until he was old enough to join Catholic youth groups. He felt good there.
But it had been months since he had distanced himself because the anxiety attacks were so intense since he had moved to another city to study with a university scholarship. He lived at his aunt's house in the periphery and was worn out from his internship. The university was in an upscale area, and he lived in the favelas, very far away. It was all too exhausting for a boy like him.
Seeing the video, the anguish in his chest hit hard. He listened as the man spoke of the simplicity of Jesus and how faith was crucial to overcoming difficult times. "If you're young, you really need to keep the faith alive to endure the days and get through them." Jesse turned off the phone and stared at the ceiling. He looked to the side and saw the small statue of the saint his mother had given him when he left home months ago to study. It was a statue of the patroness of Brazil, Our Lady of Aparecida. He remembered the story his mother used to tell him: "Remember the first miracle she performed was for an enslaved man who escaped. He said, 'She has my color, she will help me.' If things ever get too difficult, look at her and think the same. Then pray." His mother's voice echoed in his mind. Wrapped in exhaustion and needs, he didn't have many distractions. But with the strength he had left, he prayed. He thought about what the man in the video had said about Jesus being like him too.
He sat on the bed, prayed, thought of his mother, and realized he had no other choice. He needed to succeed, he needed to study and graduate, and without a bit of faith, he wouldn't go far. You only give up when you have a choice. He didn't, so he couldn't give up. He took a deep breath, opened his study book, placed the statue in front of him, and prayed, asking God for strength. That Our Lady would intercede. If there were people who were once human and looked like him and had overcome the pains of this world, then that was what he would believe in.
